i didn't know i had pocket prayerlet categories till now, but as i am nearing 95 of them, they seem to have created their own little category homes where they fit in.
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​some wide, some tall, some small & some smaller still.

a handful of pocket prayerlet covers i am particularly fond of in the 'wide' pocket category.

ever since the clocks changed a few weeks back i feel catapulted into a world of busyness.
all around me is busy busy,
the birds although beautiful in their songs are busy busy.
nature is full on busy busy, slugs particularly.
the road outside seems so busy busy, more than busy usual.
people all around me are busy busy coming out of hibernation.

i note it has created an overwhelm in my system of senses, conflicting with my preferred wintering default.
slow & slower.
intention to pay attention comes from a slowed down pace, at least it does for me. 

the more i pay attention to the affects of this perceived sensory overload & how it activates disharmony within, the more i am aware it cannot possibly serve me in anyway to get caught up in activity beyond my current capabilities. 

for now i am upping my daily practices of meditation/prayer/contemplation in hopes of keeping a middle way balance as we move from one season into the next.

reminding myself everything i need is already inside of me, & if the wintering slow pace of living suits at this time in my life then so be it. to nurture that default setting & not attempt to switch to busy for fear of missing out. anything i act upon from a place of fear is never going to be in my best interests.

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​meanwhile i have reached pocket prayerlet #88 which would imply i have been busy busy {despite me declaring otherwise above} and yet it has not felt at all like busy work, but joyful 'in the moment' slow work immersed in the act of creation for no other reason than it fills my heart with joy. 

indeed i cannot even call it work, it is love.

thoughts for prayer:
Mother of All Beings & the Earth,
please show us the way
& open up our hearts today
so we may glimpse you
in everything & everywhere.
thank you for the abundance
of blessings in this day
& the breath in our bodies.

​**********

i did spend quite some time making a film to show another offering i have been working on, not sure working is the right word, compiling perhaps, creating even more fitting.

again, let's call it love.
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however it would seem i have much to learn about the world of mini film making & posting it on here. i think mini mini films are required to upload & share. so back to the drawing board on that one for another day.

last week i thought to vacuum the temple, which in turn became a full on spring clean.

i would like to say i did it in the spirit of sevā {selfless service} but alas, i did not. i witnessed myself begrudgingly cleaning & the 'why me?' track on loop drowning out my spotify playlist.
​even in the witnessing i could not turn it around.  

after finishing three days of non-selfless household activities i sat in a heap surveying my surroundings.
​all was calm, all was clean & pretty much all was cleared away aside from the creative chaos on my studio bench. 

my insides felt the same.
calm, clean, & cleared.
​a glorious gift to receive. 

my daughter once wisely told me, "it's quite simple, if you wish to live in a clean & clear space, then you are the only one who can take responsibility to make it happen".

& as another wise guru once told me {& millions of others}, "the word responsibility is two words, response & ability. or more importantly, your ability to how you respond."

 every time i sit in the quiet of the temple & the serenity of the space i count my blessings & so it stands to reason, every time i partake in the daily household activities i have an opportunity to release the resistance to things that i do not want to embrace doing {if i do wish for the outcome} & shift into selfless service gear.
a masterclass in responsibility.

so that is where i am starting.
where truth be known i continually start again each day.
praying that one golden day i will wake up & note the ripple affect has highlighted other areas worthy of selfless service i had been blind to & i will respond with all my abilities gladly. 

{i wonder if Abba Poemen had this bit of wisdom download after sweeping the floor of his dwelling with a full heart?}

around the time i closed the curious ATELIER i was already dabbling in papier~mâché although it was limited to building up layers of old papers upon cardboard structures i had made from old discarded boxes. 

​at the beginning of 2021 i set about cataloguing a whole year of making them. each month i would make one Bhakti Box & within the pages of a book record the process, from inspiration, words, excerpts, materials & more, how they came into Being.

​here is just a sprinkling of some i made that year & others since. this may turn into a little series on my Bhakti Boxes so friday i will continue to share more about them & some of the grander ones.

i like the idea of recording them here & sharing them for the first time in all their wonky handmade devotional wonder.

{*Bhakti is Sanskrit for loving devotion}

my old phone of many years died quite suddenly last year & i thought i had lost years worth of photos. i had not paid attention to the warning signs until everything went dark.

i have a new phone now & we do not get along, it seems to think it knows best & continuously changes things up on me when it comes to the camera, settings, warm tone, cold tone, screen brightness etc.

i find myself barking instructions at it every time i go in & reset.
"stay" i say & yet a few hours later it hasn't stayed put. i just do not care for its rebellious ways.
​
​fortunately for me, my Beloved was so weary of hearing my sorrows of lost memories, he found a way to resurrect my old phone.

as long as it is kept plugged into the life support cord i am able to peruse my little photo album of 13 thousand plus images to my hearts content, of which i note, most are of my critters, present & past.

​​it has been over a year since my little doglet upgraded to wings & i still catch a moment each day when she comes into my heart's mind. perhaps when i am leaving the temple & reflect i no longer have to be back by a certain time or i catch a glance of her leash, still by the back door & especially when we spend quality time together up on the land where she rests with Tofu {the guinea pig}.
​two thirds of the critter gang at rest now.

i admit my first waking thought is no longer my doglet & i have the freedom to have a morning practice of meditation/contemplation/prayer starting the moment i rise. i can spend hours in my studio without requirements needed from me & best of all, she has the freedom to sparkle in the night sky free from a little worn out body & brain so i can report, we are both happily doing quite well a year on in our separate but connected existence.

how odd it is, that i started out thinking i would just lightly touch upon my phone & photos & it has turned out i am no longer lightly but quite heavily staying with it & the connection to my constant canine companion of 15 years.  

incase this comes across as a little sad or melancholy that is not my intention. i spend a lot of time contemplating & i now see connections that run/ran so deep, threads intwined so tightly, that on reflection, i cannot help but marvel upon the mystery of it all & the magic. 

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FOOTNOTE:
i wrote the above yesterday & scheduled it to post today. {a gift to my future self}.
upon returning to it this morning for one more look over i wonder if the many layers i feel when writing are not possible to put into words contained within a post & therefore it may not read in a sensical form to another.

i feel a sense of vulnerability each time i write in this space, shining a little flashlight on my sacred creative contemplative existence has me at times feeling a bit like i went out to the grocery store but forgot to put my clothes on sort of thing.

perhaps in time that will soften, perhaps not, all i know is the little light inside of me is being asked to send a beam up & out into the dark sky at this time & it has been impossible to say no to Her request.

so for now my practice here is continuing to be comfortable with the uncomfortable until one fine day down the pilgrim path i will be chanting & dancing {without a care}, naked as the day i was born. oh & maybe having swapped out my little flashlight for one of those huge beaming things that light up the night sky. 

it has been a year since i completed the holy offering inspired by my pilgrimage in late 2023 through Mexico & Guatemala. 

she measures around 8.5 ft tall by 7 ft wide & takes up the one big wall i have in my studio. i used artist newsprint as the canvas to build her upon, a year on from taking this little film it looks like a 100~a~day smoker lives here. that is why i like working with newsprint & its lignin, the golden tones that come through are unpredictable with glues & layering & daylight, all helping to create a real vintage feel to a piece.

of course, perhaps the downside is, it is not archival, it has a limited shelf life, it has an expiry date but i like the idea of it not lasting forever a bit like myself.

in the meantime a year on from making her, i am pondering taking her down but unsure of how to go about doing so if i am intent on keeping her in one piece. this is what happens when you are an artist of the pasting & sticking as you go along group & indeed, stapling directly to the wall for stability if need be.

so far she is still attached to the wall, likely to be so for some time to come & that's okay because every day she continues to stay looking gracefully over me whilst i work at my studio bench is a reminder of where i was this time last year & where i am now, thanks to the miracle of Grace. 

since switching out patching fabrics to patching papers a few years ago, i have found myself down the artist book/zine/altered {altared as in my case} book making hole for quite some time. 

i like the fact that when i am on the road, it is possible to take something this small along for the ride. although i have greatly enjoyed making on a larger scale in recent times, there is something quite delightful to making smaller & perhaps en masse. 

the 100 day project rolls around this time of year, & i have never felt the call to take part but this year happenstance came a calling & as i was immersed in pocket prayerlet making, i threw caution to the wind & joined in. 

but as is always the way with me, i sort of changed things up.

firstly i have not posted 'a picture a day' on social media & as i am heading out of the temple into the world again in April {& despite me saying these booklets are easy to take on the road to make}, i do not think i wish to add weight to my rucksack with art supplies.

that is all to say, the 100 days goes somewhere into May or beyond is my guess & i am going to change it up a little by saying i am making them till i have a 100 or thereabouts. by that i mean, i make as many as time allows each day until i have 100 or i embark on my next pilgrimage.

 if you would like to see how i make them from a single sheet of paper, i have stepped into the unknown, rigged up an overhead camera & made a little-ish film of how to go about it.

considering it is several folds & one snip it is extraordinary how long i took to show how to make it. i like to think it is because i was being mindful of going slow so you could join in at the same time. 

so without further a do...