i have so much to show but not a lot to say, some days are like that, more often than not there are no words. so today i thought i would just start & see what spills forth onto the paper screen.

back in the Fall i signed up for pottery classes on the island, hand~building basics to be precise. it has been over 3 decades since i sat with clay & for a while now i have felt the pull. it was 4 weeks of learning the techniques & 2 weeks of learning {some} glazing. i told myself each week i would make something & then move on, not get caught up in trying to make it perfect, it was more about learning the 'hows & whats' rather than seeking an outcome.

​that being said, i did have in my head & my heart a little wishlist of possibilities.

most of my wishes were around the idea of making it feel & look hand~built {not difficult to achieve with my rusty dusty ways} & also usable. 

it was the glazing side of things which caused me to start praying to the kiln gods and goddesses for i had quite suddenly become attached to my little wonky makes & feared my rather thick & clumsy glaze was going to cover up the delightful mark making patterns.

clearly all that praying paid off because when i saw my little finished pottery pieces i declared it was a one true miracle. i did not get down on my knees to give thanks despite wishing to, deciding folks in the clay center might find it distracting, causing mishaps on the wheel to happen etc. so i imagined it instead which i think counts.

miracle #1: they had all survived not one but two firings. including handles staying on even if the mugs 'ate' their bottoms.
miracle #2: they had not stuck to the kiln shelf causing untold woes to all the other students & clay center folks.
miracle #3: the copper oxide did what i hoped it would do & as anyone watching The Great British Pottery Throw Down will know, oxides are unpredictable. it's actually one of the biggest takeaways i have learnt from just watching others on that show.
miracle #4: i love them so much that despite creating almost a tea set for two, i am having to work up to actually letting anyone use them such is their precious miraculousness & my distrust in anyone caring for them quite as much as i do. 
miracle #5: i am making scones this afternoon {that is a stand alone miracle of its self}
miracle #6: i may or may not christen my tea plate to celebrate the miracle of an edible {still to be announced} scone, lemon no less, & the new moon.

that is quite a remarkable amount of words for someone who declared she had nothing to say.
​another miracle.

Clearing by Martha Postlethwaite

i am working towards an art exhibition and its slow going but that's okay because it won't be seen until i am 90 so i have 34 years left to contemplate and create. of course its impossible to know if i will be granted/gifted another 34 earthly years so am working on a back-up plan which involves detailed instructions to my children of what, where and every eventuality i can think of.

i plan to put these precise requests in a zine entitled
'{The Path to} Holy Cronehood'
{instructions for my children on how to put on an exhibition for their 90 year old mother}. 

so no matter what, it will be when i turn 90, here or not.

it all came about last year, whilst i had descended into the underworld, fighting demons and such like. fortunately two 'Autumns' turned up, first a younger self Autumn, she just came right on into the room and made it quite clear i was dull and no fun to be around, it's a little blurry now but i am sure she resembled Pippi Longstocking.
she announced things might get a little better if i braided my hair, donned some overalls, started singing and got into my studio. i kind of liked her, she had attitude and an air of 'well why wouldn't you?' which overruled my 'why would i?' outlook. 

however the next visitor into the room a week later was my older crone self {Winter Song} and that was all together a different meetup. i have always been reserved in showing anger, i was not taught that anger was an emotion worthy of allowing to the surface, that it might be worth listening to. my older crone came into the space literally fit to burst with anger, she was firing off here, there and everywhere at me, my whole body filled with rage buried from deep within.

the days and weeks that followed i continued to invite her in, to say her piece until it became clear what the anger was about. my future crone self was mad as hell at my now self because if i didn't get my act together she was terrified of not actually getting a moment to shine. i did agree the odds were not stacked in her favor.

it was a message i received gratefully and most certainly played a part in finding my sparkle again {along with a lifeline from Grace}. i often let either the child or the crone advise me now, both are much happier, whether i add pink to my hair or set about planning an exhibit for my future holy crone self, they are content and i believe they are key to me waking up each day and giving thanks for the abundance and the blessings of the next 24 hours.

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PAUSE FOR THOUGHT:
Widening Circles ~ Rainer Maria Rilke 

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the door to our water closet.
a recent addition to the turret temple 

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on my 56th birthday a dear friend virtually gifted me this song by Valerie June, up until that moment, i had lived a whole half century and a little bit not realizing you could gift a friend a song in that way.
my whole world changed in that moment.
it is quite possibly one of the most precious gifts i have ever received.
​the first time i played it my whole body recognized it even though i had never listened to it before.
the lines 
'holy water cleansing rain'
and
'blind, but yet you see so clear'
are everything, EVERYTHING.

there is a great possibility i will repeat my words and offerings here on a regular occasion. this being i cannot recall what i ate yesterday, therefore it stands to reason i surely will not recall what i blogged a week ago. i like to think my inability to have finely tuned recall senses is because i am super zen and live only in the moment.

each day is a fresh lifetime of 24 hours and i am going to be fully committed to it, i have no time to dally in the past, nor fret about the future, i am busy immersed in the here and now.

have you noticed, often when asked "how are you?" we respond with "oh very well {usually a fib} and terribly busy too". i would answer "all good here {sometimes a fib}, and terribly busy contemplating". i just love the ridiculousness of saying 'busy contemplating', i think that in its self is cause for course correcting. course correcting is my favorite thing to do of late. in any given moment i can take a breath, course correct, avoid the inevitable wreckage to come and realign with kindness and love. this is perhaps key to being a householder practitioner.
​
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THOUGHTS FOR PRAYER:

i first started a blog in 2007 and a decade on from hanging up my blogging apron, how odd it is to find myself sitting at my keyboard typing these words on a fresh shiny new blog home.
​
i did not think i would ever write a blog again, but seemingly i have been called to do so, and whilst that calling is strong i am going to be following it.
​i feel i have lived a million lifetimes in those blogless 10 years, i am sure i am not alone in that feeling.  

PAUSE FOR THOUGHT:
'one regret, dear world, that i am determined
not to have when i am lying on my deathbed
is that i did not kiss you enough'
​~ a year with Hafiz

​as i shared on my about page, i lost my sparkle a few years back and that took me on a 'sparkle hunt' and by the blessing of Grace, i found it again right where i stood. my hope is some of that sparkle and blessings can rub off here, in amongst the lines i type and the things i share.
​ 
so today i am dusting the old blogging cogs and adding a little oil for the rust and will begin again.