the past week has run away with me & now i am on the threshold of stepping out into the world again for six weeks.

one big pilgrimage made up of five little pilgrimages.

perhaps the one that is really looming large in my pilgrimage planning has been the Camino de Santiago with my three brothers, one of whom is walking the whole path. i am walking for one week, with my pack & prayers, stopping in hostels along the way.

it's a thing of which i have never done before & on the days when my heart rules & not my head, has me beyond amazed it is actually happening. 

so this little blog is on PAUSE for now, however i do have plans to send out my first newsletter whilst on the road.
i really am considering renaming it a 'light letter'. for that is what i hope it will be, a bit of light & a bit of bright in your inbox.

if you wish to receive a light letter from me, then please send your email via this handy box on the home page.

till then, be well friends, let your heart rule & may blessings be in an abundance for you & yours.

to be continued...

last week i finished up my 100 pocket prayerlets of which you can see in the little film below. if you click on it, it will become a little larger so hopefully you won't need to hunt for a magnifying glass because i am not sure if many folks even have those lying around anymore.

it is a marvelous thing for me to see what 41 days of turning up in my studio can create.

the abundance that comes from holding myself accountable to the dream of an exhibition aged 90 really does have me leaning into a 'anything is possible at this time' way of thinking.

shortly after taking this little capture of pocket prayerlet delights & several days of not turning up to create in my studio, i dismantled the gloriousness into little piles of likeness & recounted them.

96!! what the what?!! how can that be?! what trickery is this?! so i counted again & recounted again. i thought perhaps if i count & pray too that might help but alas, i kept coming up with 96. for 41 days i had my very important piece of paper checking off numbers each day so the mystery was clearly quite deep.

of course there were some days when creating happened in the late hours, tired but committed i turned up anyway & on other days i helped my future self out creating papers set up for the next day. a bit like the elf & the shoemaker, laying out everything except no elves appeared overnight so actually it wasn't anything like the shoemaker so no idea why i let him join in here.

i realize i did not get any certificate when leaving school that said i could count to 100 successfully but still, i felt sure i had got this far in life, surely i could keep account of this important mathematical challenge.

4 days after declaring to myself & the world at large = an empty temple aside from one sleeping snoring cat, "FINITO!! look at what i can achieve when i put my mind & most of all heart to it! drop by drop i have filled the well to 100!" or not as i now know the case to be. 

so yesterday, funday sunday was spent unpacking my studio which i had carefully cleared away {due to upcoming pilgrimage in the world} & brought the number from 96 to 102.

i believe this is a good lesson in intuition & listening to it because just before i declared my 100, something popped up & said, "why not make a few more just incase?"

meanwhile 96 or 102, i continue to spend a little time each day with my pocket prayerlets & reflect on how i felt before i started & how i feel after i finished & where else could i put this process into practice daily.

​

my pocket prayerlets distracted me {in a good way} from 'a flood of nostalgia {two by two}' i started earlier this year.

 i didn't know i had pocket prayerlet categories till now, but as i am nearing 95 of them, they seem to have created their own little category homes where they fit in.
​
​some wide, some tall, some small & some smaller still.

a handful of pocket prayerlet covers i am particularly fond of in the 'wide' pocket category.

ever since the clocks changed a few weeks back i feel catapulted into a world of busyness.
all around me is busy busy,
the birds although beautiful in their songs are busy busy.
nature is full on busy busy, slugs particularly.
the road outside seems so busy busy, more than busy usual.
people all around me are busy busy coming out of hibernation.

i note it has created an overwhelm in my system of senses, conflicting with my preferred wintering default.
slow & slower.
intention to pay attention comes from a slowed down pace, at least it does for me. 

the more i pay attention to the affects of this perceived sensory overload & how it activates disharmony within, the more i am aware it cannot possibly serve me in anyway to get caught up in activity beyond my current capabilities. 

for now i am upping my daily practices of meditation/prayer/contemplation in hopes of keeping a middle way balance as we move from one season into the next.

reminding myself everything i need is already inside of me, & if the wintering slow pace of living suits at this time in my life then so be it. to nurture that default setting & not attempt to switch to busy for fear of missing out. anything i act upon from a place of fear is never going to be in my best interests.

​**********

​meanwhile i have reached pocket prayerlet #88 which would imply i have been busy busy {despite me declaring otherwise above} and yet it has not felt at all like busy work, but joyful 'in the moment' slow work immersed in the act of creation for no other reason than it fills my heart with joy. 

indeed i cannot even call it work, it is love.

thoughts for prayer:
Mother of All Beings & the Earth,
please show us the way
& open up our hearts today
so we may glimpse you
in everything & everywhere.
thank you for the abundance
of blessings in this day
& the breath in our bodies.

​**********

i did spend quite some time making a film to show another offering i have been working on, not sure working is the right word, compiling perhaps, creating even more fitting.

again, let's call it love.
​
however it would seem i have much to learn about the world of mini film making & posting it on here. i think mini mini films are required to upload & share. so back to the drawing board on that one for another day.

last week i thought to vacuum the temple, which in turn became a full on spring clean.

i would like to say i did it in the spirit of sevā {selfless service} but alas, i did not. i witnessed myself begrudgingly cleaning & the 'why me?' track on loop drowning out my spotify playlist.
​even in the witnessing i could not turn it around.  

after finishing three days of non-selfless household activities i sat in a heap surveying my surroundings.
​all was calm, all was clean & pretty much all was cleared away aside from the creative chaos on my studio bench. 

my insides felt the same.
calm, clean, & cleared.
​a glorious gift to receive. 

my daughter once wisely told me, "it's quite simple, if you wish to live in a clean & clear space, then you are the only one who can take responsibility to make it happen".

& as another wise guru once told me {& millions of others}, "the word responsibility is two words, response & ability. or more importantly, your ability to how you respond."

 every time i sit in the quiet of the temple & the serenity of the space i count my blessings & so it stands to reason, every time i partake in the daily household activities i have an opportunity to release the resistance to things that i do not want to embrace doing {if i do wish for the outcome} & shift into selfless service gear.
a masterclass in responsibility.

so that is where i am starting.
where truth be known i continually start again each day.
praying that one golden day i will wake up & note the ripple affect has highlighted other areas worthy of selfless service i had been blind to & i will respond with all my abilities gladly. 

{i wonder if Abba Poemen had this bit of wisdom download after sweeping the floor of his dwelling with a full heart?}

around the time i closed the curious ATELIER i was already dabbling in papier~mâché although it was limited to building up layers of old papers upon cardboard structures i had made from old discarded boxes. 

​at the beginning of 2021 i set about cataloguing a whole year of making them. each month i would make one Bhakti Box & within the pages of a book record the process, from inspiration, words, excerpts, materials & more, how they came into Being.

​here is just a sprinkling of some i made that year & others since. this may turn into a little series on my Bhakti Boxes so friday i will continue to share more about them & some of the grander ones.

i like the idea of recording them here & sharing them for the first time in all their wonky handmade devotional wonder.

{*Bhakti is Sanskrit for loving devotion}

my old phone of many years died quite suddenly last year & i thought i had lost years worth of photos. i had not paid attention to the warning signs until everything went dark.

i have a new phone now & we do not get along, it seems to think it knows best & continuously changes things up on me when it comes to the camera, settings, warm tone, cold tone, screen brightness etc.

i find myself barking instructions at it every time i go in & reset.
"stay" i say & yet a few hours later it hasn't stayed put. i just do not care for its rebellious ways.
​
​fortunately for me, my Beloved was so weary of hearing my sorrows of lost memories, he found a way to resurrect my old phone.

as long as it is kept plugged into the life support cord i am able to peruse my little photo album of 13 thousand plus images to my hearts content, of which i note, most are of my critters, present & past.

​​it has been over a year since my little doglet upgraded to wings & i still catch a moment each day when she comes into my heart's mind. perhaps when i am leaving the temple & reflect i no longer have to be back by a certain time or i catch a glance of her leash, still by the back door & especially when we spend quality time together up on the land where she rests with Tofu {the guinea pig}.
​two thirds of the critter gang at rest now.

i admit my first waking thought is no longer my doglet & i have the freedom to have a morning practice of meditation/contemplation/prayer starting the moment i rise. i can spend hours in my studio without requirements needed from me & best of all, she has the freedom to sparkle in the night sky free from a little worn out body & brain so i can report, we are both happily doing quite well a year on in our separate but connected existence.

how odd it is, that i started out thinking i would just lightly touch upon my phone & photos & it has turned out i am no longer lightly but quite heavily staying with it & the connection to my constant canine companion of 15 years.  

incase this comes across as a little sad or melancholy that is not my intention. i spend a lot of time contemplating & i now see connections that run/ran so deep, threads intwined so tightly, that on reflection, i cannot help but marvel upon the mystery of it all & the magic. 

********** 

**********

FOOTNOTE:
i wrote the above yesterday & scheduled it to post today. {a gift to my future self}.
upon returning to it this morning for one more look over i wonder if the many layers i feel when writing are not possible to put into words contained within a post & therefore it may not read in a sensical form to another.

i feel a sense of vulnerability each time i write in this space, shining a little flashlight on my sacred creative contemplative existence has me at times feeling a bit like i went out to the grocery store but forgot to put my clothes on sort of thing.

perhaps in time that will soften, perhaps not, all i know is the little light inside of me is being asked to send a beam up & out into the dark sky at this time & it has been impossible to say no to Her request.

so for now my practice here is continuing to be comfortable with the uncomfortable until one fine day down the pilgrim path i will be chanting & dancing {without a care}, naked as the day i was born. oh & maybe having swapped out my little flashlight for one of those huge beaming things that light up the night sky. 

it has been a year since i completed the holy offering inspired by my pilgrimage in late 2023 through Mexico & Guatemala. 

she measures around 8.5 ft tall by 7 ft wide & takes up the one big wall i have in my studio. i used artist newsprint as the canvas to build her upon, a year on from taking this little film it looks like a 100~a~day smoker lives here. that is why i like working with newsprint & its lignin, the golden tones that come through are unpredictable with glues & layering & daylight, all helping to create a real vintage feel to a piece.

of course, perhaps the downside is, it is not archival, it has a limited shelf life, it has an expiry date but i like the idea of it not lasting forever a bit like myself.

in the meantime a year on from making her, i am pondering taking her down but unsure of how to go about doing so if i am intent on keeping her in one piece. this is what happens when you are an artist of the pasting & sticking as you go along group & indeed, stapling directly to the wall for stability if need be.

so far she is still attached to the wall, likely to be so for some time to come & that's okay because every day she continues to stay looking gracefully over me whilst i work at my studio bench is a reminder of where i was this time last year & where i am now, thanks to the miracle of Grace.