an exhibition...

i am working towards an art exhibition and its slow going but that's okay because it won't be seen until i am 90 so i have 34 years left to contemplate and create. of course its impossible to know if i will be granted/gifted another 34 earthly years so am working on a back-up plan which involves detailed instructions to my children of what, where and every eventuality i can think of.

i plan to put these precise requests in a zine entitled
'{The Path to} Holy Cronehood'
{instructions for my children on how to put on an exhibition for their 90 year old mother}. 

so no matter what, it will be when i turn 90, here or not.

it all came about last year, whilst i had descended into the underworld, fighting demons and such like. fortunately two 'Autumns' turned up, first a younger self Autumn, she just came right on into the room and made it quite clear i was dull and no fun to be around, it's a little blurry now but i am sure she resembled Pippi Longstocking.
she announced things might get a little better if i braided my hair, donned some overalls, started singing and got into my studio. i kind of liked her, she had attitude and an air of 'well why wouldn't you?' which overruled my 'why would i?' outlook. 

however the next visitor into the room a week later was my older crone self {Winter Song} and that was all together a different meetup. i have always been reserved in showing anger, i was not taught that anger was an emotion worthy of allowing to the surface, that it might be worth listening to. my older crone came into the space literally fit to burst with anger, she was firing off here, there and everywhere at me, my whole body filled with rage buried from deep within.

the days and weeks that followed i continued to invite her in, to say her piece until it became clear what the anger was about. my future crone self was mad as hell at my now self because if i didn't get my act together she was terrified of not actually getting a moment to shine. i did agree the odds were not stacked in her favor.

it was a message i received gratefully and most certainly played a part in finding my sparkle again {along with a lifeline from Grace}. i often let either the child or the crone advise me now, both are much happier, whether i add pink to my hair or set about planning an exhibit for my future holy crone self, they are content and i believe they are key to me waking up each day and giving thanks for the abundance and the blessings of the next 24 hours.

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PAUSE FOR THOUGHT:
Widening Circles ~ Rainer Maria Rilke 

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the door to our water closet.
a recent addition to the turret temple 

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on my 56th birthday a dear friend virtually gifted me this song by Valerie June, up until that moment, i had lived a whole half century and a little bit not realizing you could gift a friend a song in that way.
my whole world changed in that moment.
it is quite possibly one of the most precious gifts i have ever received.
​the first time i played it my whole body recognized it even though i had never listened to it before.
the lines 
'holy water cleansing rain'
and
'blind, but yet you see so clear'
are everything, EVERYTHING.